Yesterday’s thoughts

Yesterday was a brilliant day. I like to give presents more than take them. It maybe sounds strange but its really true. I like to see sparkles in the eyes when someone takes a present accidentally without any excuses and reasons only because she or he is in the world. It is fucking awesome and …sure, look on the bright side, I totally understand sometimes it looks strange to get presents from a person who only works with you.

I feel something but I am afraid to confess myself that my efforts and my pressure would have not got the result what I expect. It is my old habit – try to achieve something what I definitely want but II know in advance that this will be a disastrous idea, but still, I am confused to achieve the aim, so that it does not. And what is most surprising, the pain, my mental pain, of awareness of failure will be stronger at the end of the way than at the moment when I already realize the awareness of the failed idea, but I continue to realize it and strive for it with demonic strength.

Let’s give you a short example: when I was young I always dreamt about a new ice-hockey skate. I was drawing them, painting and so on. It was in USSR when there was a lack of goods and I and my family didn’t have any chance to buy them for me. But I was trying to find the skates again and again: I was asking everywhere and my friends…and surprisingly, my brother found them. His classmate was selling a new pair of skates and my parents bought them me. I was very happy!

I have to look on the bright side, It is very difficult to achieve what you really want. Sometimes my wishes are extremely difficult to get or achieve, and I know, I will be feeling absolutely depressing mental state when I don’t achieve the aim, I will be completely destroyed. It’s my nature but it will be in the future not now. How many times I have been trying to escape this mental traps of my wishes but I couldn’t.

Now I feel I am again in the trouble of my mental traps and the issue can dramatically destroy a lot of my perspectives, dreams, wishes and future, and in additional, my relationships. I constantly analyse and scroll through scenarios of my nearest future and I cannot find the answers on my questions which I ask myself every fucking day. That mental or brain turnaround makes me crazy and I have to defeat of double troubles.

Delicious shrimps

I love cooking. I am good at this topic. I have been cooking from starting my University’s education. I am the best in my family, you know.

What I really to do is cooking something new for me. I strongly believe that it is extremely good to be a chief for your family or your beloved person. It’s fucking awesome when you are able to prepare tasty coffee with a delicious meal for your wife or love. I like to share my experience with my friends and colleagues. My father and grandpa were and are the best example of the persons who are able to cook perfectly. My famous grand-pa was a chief in a hotel. I am proud to continue his traditions to be a little chief in my family.

Anyway, the last weekend I was searching, into my double-side fridge something to cook and I found it – under the mammoth part of the meat, I’ve found an old piece of deeply frozen gigantic shrimps which I had bought for my happy birthday.

After this opening…I was starting to search how to cook it perfectly because I thought I was the last chance to prepare so expansively product)… I sorted out with it and created my receipt for the shrimps which I’d like to share with you, my sisters and brothers.

Firstly, you have to buy one 1kg of shrimps or surprisingly have found them like me )))

Secondly, defrost it carefully under warm water because shrimps always save in the frost and a tiny layer of ice.

Thirdly, put them in a space bowl and add salt, a mix of red and black pepper and a bit ginger, and a bit balsamic vinegar. A secret ingredient – is a sliced grapefruit. It adds a bit new accent into your dish. Highly recommend. The shrimps should be put in a fridge from 2 to 4 hours to marinate them.

As a side dish, I like to use grilled potatoes. What I really like is preparing potatoes in my oven. I cut each of potatoes on 4 pieces and add a bit salt. Another way is to marinate potatoes in salt and pepper but from my perspective, that way is too long for me.

Then, after approximately 4 hours, I put shrimps into oven-pan and potatoes in another, and I put only potatoes in the oven at a temperature of 200 degrees. It takes 20-30 minutes to half cook it.

Then I put another oven-pan with marinated shrimps into the oven. It lasts an additional 20 minutes to complete both parts of the dish.

The mission is completed. Please, add your girl or wife and a bottle of red wine to eat the dish!

Take the time and enjoy the meal!

Deeply inside

I strongly believe everything in my life is predefined. Someone, I haven’t a clue – who is it, created a plan for my life. Every person, every episode and every fucking second of my life are predefined.

On my life way, I always meet, discuss, argue with someone who helps me to do something or hurts me. It’s only an experience which studies you, personally, to be more polite, careful, strong and so on.

I feel and hope there are strong differences between your, I am sorry, my wishes and my achievements. For example, every day I try to make a plan but a lot of external influences try to break the rules and destroy your plan completely. We plan our lives either to achieve something important or something necessary for you or for your family, of course, maybe a company.

Any excuse is good to not doing something important to you and I’d like to be hardworking in my life and in my company. Sure, I am a bit crazy when I am working on my perspective projects or wishes. I can do a lot and fast to achieve the aims. It’s my work religion.

You may be surprised but I am the one project manager who achieves a full pack of salary bonuses in my company. Anyway, the reality is extremely different and it always bumps me into the wall to dust off all my craziest dreams and wished, and returns me on the ground. On the positive side, it is a good habit to be a winner in life but on the negative side, it is dramatically hard to be concentrated and focused on a million of things which I want to achieve…

People always judge you by your car or your spacious flat. From my perspective, it’s not necessary for me. Of course, I like expensive muscle cars but I don’t have any chance to buy one of them. It’s a craziness to do it.

I like to deliver my suspicious knowledge like English, project management, self-improving and so on. I read books every day. This is what I really like – I like to grub something new from articles, especially, English-writing articles. I am proud of my grandpa who was a leader of communistic party in USSR but he has been helping a million of people in Murmansk with flats, clinics, special medicine and pills and so on. He is my hero. I hope I will be like him, the leader of something. I must admit my family often compares me with my level grandpa. Honestly, he has died few months ago…black part of my life.

Nevermind, I keep going and doing what I really like and want to achieve.

I like…

The thing is I like to start my day like today. What I mean is I like to study English on Saturdays. It’s so cute to wake up early and communicate with my Estonian teacher who can speak with you and correct your, sorry, my Jesus-fucking-Christ, mistakes.

Besides, I like to use duolingua application and use it to revision my grammar skill. I enjoyed to find it a couple of months ago. It’s my daily English activity.

I like to chat via Whatsapp application with my colleagues and friends, discuss some light and deep-minded topics. It helps me to improve my writing skill, my fast-responding skill.

I like to post records in my personal English blog. By the end of the year, It will have helped me to understand and observe my Aim 2020, really.

Bloody hell, I did about 100 posts! Sure, it’s the greatest and overwhelmed success for me, really. You are totally right I can write completely bullshits on my blog’s pages but It’s my blog! What I really want is be freely with English.

I wanna say fuck you to all my enemies and dickheading ill-wishers (a new good word). I’d rather o create new posts instead of sitting in the chair and smoking cigarettes.

Surprisingly today is a sunny day. I like summer and the sun personally. Hello, fucking Sun)

According to the situation with the Covid-19, I am filling a terrible pain in the ass sitting at home in the isolating regime. It’s fucking time but time to observe your life, to create new ideas, to love your families, to play, to chat, to meet virtually via zoom, skype and so on, to have sex, to cook delicious meals and a lot of funny things, especially, to drink a glass of delightful red or white wine…or send to someone something hopeful about a new stage of your relationships. Anyway, it is a brilliant time to develop yourself and understand what you are and who you are in the fucking life, bitches!

The song of the day…

Today was a bit hard-working day with a million things which I had to do. The most important was delivering my brother from Airport to his clinic. He has a terrible disease which hurts him a lot. Fucking disease hard has transformed his body and his bones. I really feel pain when I meet with him every time. I love him a lot, yes,…really It hurts me. He isn’t able to work and he spends a lot of time to be more energized.

What I could do to stop this disease is helping him with that shit like buyin special medicine, pills, special vitamins and so on. Of course, it costs a bunch of money but….nevermind, I like to help him and I have to do it, it’s my debt.

Sometimes I am feeling terrible pain in my soul when I am arguing with my wife about this type of help but It’s my debt to do something with this brother’s disease.

After ending today’s workday, I was choosing a lot of new bluesy songs which I’ve added into my lovely playlist on Yandex.Music streaming service.

When I am listening to music I immerse into my deeply think process to observe my feeling and my project, wishes and dreams about the future.

Yes, I totally understand nowadays we are going to keep our asses at home and keep our health well but I like dreaming about my future. I live when I dream.

Labkovsky’s book has read and a new one by Sue Johnson is started.

A couple of days ago I have ended reading a book by Labkovsky. It was an extremely useful book for me, I’ve got and clarified a huge massive of my thoughts. I recognized my living mistakes and faults. You know, experience and impotent disease are going with years. This phrase always told me my first boss, the grand-pa Boiker. He was and he is funny and absolutely wise. I liked to work with him for 3 years. It was so happier and helpful years for my personality. Yes, we drunk vodka sometimes but it was a part of my carrier. It helped me to be more open-minded and polite with other people, I mean, my co-workers. In that time, I’ve started to meet with the first my clients and be more sociable.

Anyway, my new book is about love and I really hope to get more information about how to restore the relationship which has been demaged.

Yesterday I’ve read a couples chapters of the new reading book and I totally understand, I’ve not mistaken about the chosen book.

My plan works. I read 1 book per month. It’s comfortable reading speed for me.

Катя Бекинселова…Kate Beckinsale video

I have a big problem with recognizing women speech and my new challenge is watching every Fucking day a new video with women voice to be more polite with it.

Today I found interesting a lot of video with the famous and adorable woman – Kate Beckinsale and a famous journalist Stephen Colbert. She is extremely brilliant and she knows a bit Russian. You can watch this video on my current page. she is 45 and It seems that she looks so beautiful because of her frecking vampier movies, totally! She always kicks their vampier asses every day!

The most hilarious part in the mentioned video was a part when Kate and a journalist were discussing Kate’s Instagram. Sorry, I have logged out from my Instagram and sent “fuck off” all my social networks. Anyway, she was describing a bunch photos from her Instagram and on one of the photos a journalist noticed a lamp with a penis) Of course, the TV channel banned a part of the image but you can check this photo on the Internet. Why did I write all this scrap about, she has to get out this fucking lamp from her home but I hope it\’s lovely ex-husband memorabilia.

Additionally, I got a couple of new phrases from the video like “I aced it” and She is an impeccable lady (this phrase from my Estonian teacher who has been learning with me many years). Only English, Fucking English, brothers and sisters! Cheers!

Darkness is coming

From my perspective, the next few months will be the most shocking in my life and life of my family. Covid-19 is here, in Russia, we cannot detect and protect yourself. The most important part of protection is self-isolation from the whole world. We must only sit down and relax in our houses and flats.

Besides, Russian will be dramatically decreasing human population and economy. Mr. Putin decided he is the best president for Russia but he isn’t. He has inspired by his fucking entourage. He is blinded by them. It’s an only politic game with us, civil … I hope, I really hope that he has a clearly understanding what the fuck is going on in Russia right now and what happens with economic and small business in Russia.

My progress in guitar exercises

A couple of days ago I was recording the first version of acoustic background track for “Because you love me” song by Kaz Hawkins.

Recently I’ve sent a message to Kaz producer with asking to send me notes for this song. I hoped that he or she could send me that fucking stuff. Damn! No chance to get it from them.

Because of it, I’ve started to do it myself. Yes, I know, it is really hard to compile music and record it step by step. But vice versa I did a part of the song.

The most difficult part will be singing because my voice is too deep and non-appliable for this song but I’ll try to do the best version of my abilities. Maybe I would change a bit my voice applying song editors or some applications. I’ll try to find out solutions for this topic.

The problem is I don’t have a microphone to record my voice. Sure, I can use an internal microphone but I guess the quality of it is too low for my aim. Additionally, I should develop my vocal abilities to sing the song correctly with correct and perfect breathing. The question is how can develop it in so short time, I mean, 2-3 weeks? Bloody hell. How many questions and no answers. There are only my creative thoughts on the way to produce the song…

Fucking Covid-19 isolation…Billie Eilish interview

Today I was surprised by Billie Eilish. I watched an interview with her and she is fucking awesome.

I am fucked up thinking that she is only teenager’s music. after watching the video I’ve changed my opinion about her. She is brilliant and fascinating. Damn! She is 18 or a bit more but she is on the top of music Olymp! What the dickens? I reckon the most power of the Internet are public video services and it’s a new reality to perform new songwriters and singers to the top of the music industry.

…Damn, it’s a modern reality when you kick ass and grow up with Internet helping and supporting.