Deeply inside

I strongly believe everything in my life is predefined. Someone, I haven’t a clue – who is it, created a plan for my life. Every person, every episode and every fucking second of my life are predefined.

On my life way, I always meet, discuss, argue with someone who helps me to do something or hurts me. It’s only an experience which studies you, personally, to be more polite, careful, strong and so on.

I feel and hope there are strong differences between your, I am sorry, my wishes and my achievements. For example, every day I try to make a plan but a lot of external influences try to break the rules and destroy your plan completely. We plan our lives either to achieve something important or something necessary for you or for your family, of course, maybe a company.

Any excuse is good to not doing something important to you and I’d like to be hardworking in my life and in my company. Sure, I am a bit crazy when I am working on my perspective projects or wishes. I can do a lot and fast to achieve the aims. It’s my work religion.

You may be surprised but I am the one project manager who achieves a full pack of salary bonuses in my company. Anyway, the reality is extremely different and it always bumps me into the wall to dust off all my craziest dreams and wished, and returns me on the ground. On the positive side, it is a good habit to be a winner in life but on the negative side, it is dramatically hard to be concentrated and focused on a million of things which I want to achieve…

People always judge you by your car or your spacious flat. From my perspective, it’s not necessary for me. Of course, I like expensive muscle cars but I don’t have any chance to buy one of them. It’s a craziness to do it.

I like to deliver my suspicious knowledge like English, project management, self-improving and so on. I read books every day. This is what I really like – I like to grub something new from articles, especially, English-writing articles. I am proud of my grandpa who was a leader of communistic party in USSR but he has been helping a million of people in Murmansk with flats, clinics, special medicine and pills and so on. He is my hero. I hope I will be like him, the leader of something. I must admit my family often compares me with my level grandpa. Honestly, he has died few months ago…black part of my life.

Nevermind, I keep going and doing what I really like and want to achieve.

I like…

The thing is I like to start my day like today. What I mean is I like to study English on Saturdays. It’s so cute to wake up early and communicate with my Estonian teacher who can speak with you and correct your, sorry, my Jesus-fucking-Christ, mistakes.

Besides, I like to use duolingua application and use it to revision my grammar skill. I enjoyed to find it a couple of months ago. It’s my daily English activity.

I like to chat via Whatsapp application with my colleagues and friends, discuss some light and deep-minded topics. It helps me to improve my writing skill, my fast-responding skill.

I like to post records in my personal English blog. By the end of the year, It will have helped me to understand and observe my Aim 2020, really.

Bloody hell, I did about 100 posts! Sure, it’s the greatest and overwhelmed success for me, really. You are totally right I can write completely bullshits on my blog’s pages but It’s my blog! What I really want is be freely with English.

I wanna say fuck you to all my enemies and dickheading ill-wishers (a new good word). I’d rather o create new posts instead of sitting in the chair and smoking cigarettes.

Surprisingly today is a sunny day. I like summer and the sun personally. Hello, fucking Sun)

According to the situation with the Covid-19, I am filling a terrible pain in the ass sitting at home in the isolating regime. It’s fucking time but time to observe your life, to create new ideas, to love your families, to play, to chat, to meet virtually via zoom, skype and so on, to have sex, to cook delicious meals and a lot of funny things, especially, to drink a glass of delightful red or white wine…or send to someone something hopeful about a new stage of your relationships. Anyway, it is a brilliant time to develop yourself and understand what you are and who you are in the fucking life, bitches!

Labkovsky’s book has read and a new one by Sue Johnson is started.

A couple of days ago I have ended reading a book by Labkovsky. It was an extremely useful book for me, I’ve got and clarified a huge massive of my thoughts. I recognized my living mistakes and faults. You know, experience and impotent disease are going with years. This phrase always told me my first boss, the grand-pa Boiker. He was and he is funny and absolutely wise. I liked to work with him for 3 years. It was so happier and helpful years for my personality. Yes, we drunk vodka sometimes but it was a part of my carrier. It helped me to be more open-minded and polite with other people, I mean, my co-workers. In that time, I’ve started to meet with the first my clients and be more sociable.

Anyway, my new book is about love and I really hope to get more information about how to restore the relationship which has been demaged.

Yesterday I’ve read a couples chapters of the new reading book and I totally understand, I’ve not mistaken about the chosen book.

My plan works. I read 1 book per month. It’s comfortable reading speed for me.

Катя Бекинселова…Kate Beckinsale video

I have a big problem with recognizing women speech and my new challenge is watching every Fucking day a new video with women voice to be more polite with it.

Today I found interesting a lot of video with the famous and adorable woman – Kate Beckinsale and a famous journalist Stephen Colbert. She is extremely brilliant and she knows a bit Russian. You can watch this video on my current page. she is 45 and It seems that she looks so beautiful because of her frecking vampier movies, totally! She always kicks their vampier asses every day!

The most hilarious part in the mentioned video was a part when Kate and a journalist were discussing Kate’s Instagram. Sorry, I have logged out from my Instagram and sent “fuck off” all my social networks. Anyway, she was describing a bunch photos from her Instagram and on one of the photos a journalist noticed a lamp with a penis) Of course, the TV channel banned a part of the image but you can check this photo on the Internet. Why did I write all this scrap about, she has to get out this fucking lamp from her home but I hope it\’s lovely ex-husband memorabilia.

Additionally, I got a couple of new phrases from the video like “I aced it” and She is an impeccable lady (this phrase from my Estonian teacher who has been learning with me many years). Only English, Fucking English, brothers and sisters! Cheers!

A new habit – avoiding social networking completely…

I dreamed to escape social media addiction. I truly understand, damn, I spend a lot of time sitting and browsing news in VK or FB. This day has came….

Todat I realized to escape the addiction and say to social networking – Piss off!

What the dickens? How can I use this type of sites to spend time so uneffectivly? Today i decided to kick them ass and remove them from my life.

Damn, it was so hard to click log out button and broke all social networking chains so fast as I could but I did it!

I guess Tomorrow’s morning my browser will be noticing me about fucking social platforms but I hope I will have closed all my relationship with this addiction.

Instead of browsing and serfing internet pages I would rather listen to music or reading lovely books about economic, self-motivation or body positive.

Indeed!

75 post anniversary!

Recently I’ve written 75 posts. Cool-cool-cool. It’s a lot of posts which I’ve been creating when I opened my blog. Yes, I totally understand that I make a lot of mistakes. I did and I will do them but I hope after writing 1000 posts my style will be another than today.

I totally noticed, according to Covid-19 Panic in Russia has started from the last weekend. My childer have got information about changing of education type, I mean they will study via Skype or other messengers. It’s really cool solution to protect pandemic of Covid-19.

I strongly believe that our government is able to stop the illness in a short time and everything will be okay with my family, friends, and former friends and lovely co-workers.

Our company has involved a lot of Covid-19 protecting rules in offices like new washing hands rules and repeating room air conditioning. I hope it helps us to protect the fucking illness.

Holy shit! My dreams about a lovely vacation on a see have broken by Covid-19. No tickets, no tours, no wishes…only fears, expectations and speculations.

Additionally, RUB/USD and RUB/EUR – has decreased fucking dramatically. I lost a part of my money after declined OPEK deal.

I’d like to add that I started to involve a new habit as escaping fucking chips, crisps, shushka-plushka-barranca and so on. I really hope this habit helps me to decrease my weight to my target weight which I noticed in Aim 2020.

My English activities kill me…

Recently I’ve recognized that my English activities spend a huge amount of time in my life. I read, write, speak, try to memorize, recall, consult, tell dirty words for myself, and so on. additionally, I have Lucas English class with my co-workers.

All activities drive me crazy! The last point was a new intermediate test which surprisingly I got from my teacher. What the fuck? Where is his plan for education?

I was in Moscow and sat in a cafe to do this fucking test! My smartphone was almost empty and I was trying to get audio files and translate fucking English voices through my old KOSS Porta Pro headphones. Internet connection was terrible and slow.

I was not on cloud nine when I did the test! The teacher said that it’s not a problem wor him and he isn’t concerned! Fuck ME! He isn’t concerned! It’s I was concerned that I didn’t prepare for that test and I was on a business trip. My head was full of fucking issues with my customers and external jobs. I sent the test but from my point of view, I was fucked, totally, fucked!

Holy shit, Lucas, you could send the test before our lesson to have time for preparing for us. Now I am in the emotional stress state of the passing this test and the final test.

In conclusion, the current weekend I wanna plan a lot of new English exercises to pass the final test in another case I should pay extra money for the English course. Fuck a duck…

Family relationships

After 20 years of our marriage, I really notice that we have another type of relationship like friends and not like lovers. Yes, people say that the marriage has been transformed from high power love to friendship after 5-10 years of the marriage but …. I expected another.

Sometimes I don’t know what I should ask or do. I feel emptiness or vacuum. We have been discussing many times topics, sometimes I feel and know what she answers me and I imagine her reaction on my questions. I know everything about her.

It doesn’t matter what you ask and what you do, you know the reaction on your question, asking, helping, everything.

But when I try to ask her to make some changes It hurts her and I don’t know why.

From my perspective, we live together only as serviceman and servicewoman. The things have delegated for her and me: I earn money and resolve hard and difficult questions, she – resolve s lot of issues with home and children.

That routine drives me crazy. I try to change something but stumble on a wall of misunderstanding why we have to change something.

  • Let’s do it
  • No, it is dangerous
  • Okay, let’s go to..
  • No, it’s expensive.
  • Let’s call them…
  • It’s not comfortable..
  • and so on…

Maybe we have tired of each other and I don’t know how to reset our relationship lovely and correctly without a lot of arguings.

Where are love feelings and passions? Has The marriage destroyed them? I haven’t a clue. Really! I try to find the solution of this shit.

Yes, I totally understand that a marriage is a hard-working job. We should work on it every fucking day without pauses and excuses.

What I really feel that she is, first of all, a mother and her mother instincts kills all activities. Yes, it totally understands, I feel it in each her action and I don’t know how to shift her focus on me and our love topics. Gosh…

Keep writing without any excuses

Today I’ve got a kick from my lovely motivator and I’ve rated her help in my life.

She reminds me of my 2020 aims and focuses on the my new habits. Cool-cool-cool!

I am sorry, my publisher last weekend I had a terrible fucking pain in my face because of pulling 8th teeth. I should done it in another way it will be problem for another near teeth. For this unpleasant procedure I’ve found my dental specialist who installed me a couple of implants 4 years ago. Yes, i know, I have installed these two implants. I lost my teeth and I should installed another pair of them. The doctor is genius. He created and installed so good teeth that they have been used like mine after a couple of months.

Nevermind I found my dentist who os able to do his work as Pro. I like his approach with patients. The most funny his phrase is “now I’ll hurt a bit” when he starts some dental manipulations with you. His arms are strong and powerful, maybe it is the reason why he is able to do any manipulations correctly.

His clinic is located near my district but beyond the circle road. The district called Novodevyatkino. It is pain for any car drivers. The roads…no, one fucking road is so busy and traffic jammed that I spend 40-50 minutes to deliver my body to the clinic. Fucking shit, where is the government? They should resolve the road problem for that district.

Moreover, the road surface quality is awfully… You can destroy your tires on this road. Unbelievable.

In conclusion, I pulled off one tooth and I am happy. After 2 months I should visit my another dentist to check the status of repaired teeth which I had been repaired recently.